October Lookback

Listening to:
Boy Meets Girl – "Waiting For a Star to Fall"

I'm not going to lie. I think the song is absolutely beautiful despite being cheesily 80s. The idea of a guy falling for a girl and being patient while trying to earn her love? ❤️ But it also leaves me with the feeling that females can only be attractive if they are essentially always happy, always busy and fun, and always just out of reach. So the song also upsets me a great deal.

I need a male opinion. Is it possible for a guy and girl to stay friends if the girl isn't always this happy-go-lucky always making you feel good about yourself angel? Assuming, of course, you aren't dating her and you aren't married to her. And also assuming you aren't gay.

Females, do you have any amazing guy friends that have and will always be there for you? Anyone that has stood the test of time? Someone that always chooses to love and care for you even when you are less than happy and enthusiastic?

Perhaps this is an incredibly negative view to have on the world, but it's how I've been feeling lately. Like maybe I'm not good enough or happy enough … or, in general, enough.

Still, it brings a smile to my face when I think about one person patiently waiting for another.

"I don't like waiting…" (main singer)
"I'll wait for you." (background singer)
"It's so hard waiting…" (main singer)
"Don't be too long" (background singer)
"Seems like waiting … makes me love you … even more." (main singer)

I've also been listening to Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" on repeat. I like watching the Youtube video. It reminds me of the 90s, roller skating, and Venice Beach in California. (I don't know where it was filmed.)

Finally, Toad the Wet Sprocket's "All I Want" Ever been in a situation where you feel like there is a lot being communicated but nothing being said directly? And maybe you can't fill that void with words? That's what this song makes me think of. I'm not sure why it hits me at my core, but it does.


I was looking through old postcards and letters and read this letter where a guy friend was supposed to go on a date with this girl he didn't really like. He wanted to go because he wanted to see a movie, but he claimed the girl he was supposed to go out with was "selfish and jealous". How he knew this without having gone out with her, I don't know. Anyway, I really want to ask this friend how the date worked out and if he even went. He's married so that could cause complications if she's the same girl. And even more complications if she's not! 🤪

Reading through old letters and postcards has caused me to have more questions than answers. How is it possible to know someone so well and yet not at all?


Generic travel. Ireland? Scotland?

Also CHRISTMAS PRESENTS! I have this really cool idea for a friend. We finally began putting it together. There are a few more parts that need to be put together before it's finished, but I'm really excited about it. It's taken a lot of thought and planning.

Anxious about: my family.

I've been having a lot of problems with them recently. I'm worried about how everything will resolve itself. Recently I had to reach out to a friend to get a second opinion so I wouldn't go into a situation with too much anger, frustration, and general emotion. Luckily, she had my back and listened like a rockstar calling me out on the ways I was responding incorrectly to the situation, without judgment.

Interested to Know:

I met this guy online a week ago, when I was feeling lonely. Turns out he's training to be a therapist, so it was almost an ideal situation. I was hoping he could help me figure out why I was so blue. It turned into a fun conversation going back and forth. I learned a lot about the field of psychology and kept him on his toes questioning everything he thought he knew. 😉We've talked a few times since, but I'm really hoping we will remain in contact. It's nice having a new friend to talk to. 

Last month I was trying to become friends with my coworker. I am happy to report that things are going pretty well with that. My husband and I went out to dinner with her and we chatted for a good two hours, never running out of things to talk about. I am so grateful she was brought into my life and I hope I can continue to get to know her better.

One last thing – just signed up for French 2, but the school is going to fast track my husband and myself through French 2 and 3, so that we are on target to take French 4 for the 10 week period following the holidays. I'm excited to have more private French lessons, but I'm a little bit worried about getting through the next session. Will I be able to keep up? I've been struggling to get through French 1!

Keeping A Secret:

I'm working on a blog update. I'm having some struggles with the comment section though. Do I know anyone good with HTML?


We the Free Sunshine In the Rain Tee in pink and black

Etheline Peasant Midi Dress
• for Christmas presents (3 done, many to go)



I don't think I'm going to make this year's reading goal. I'm not terribly disappointed. I feel like I've had a really rough year. 

So, that is October in a lookback for me. It will be interesting to see where the next few months take me. I'm always so surprised at how my life changes throughout the year. Goals change. My emotional state changes. Things that were perfect all of a sudden are no longer quite as good. Other things end up being better than they used to be. It may be a little early yet to wonder what 2020 will bring, but that is exactly what I'm thinking.

I hope you all are having a beautiful and wonderful October. Accomplishing goals and becoming better versions of yourselves. ❤️

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